I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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