he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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