I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
