My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
