1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
