just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
