just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
