Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
