Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
