i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Houston, we have a blender
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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