Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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