I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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