Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you would pick up someone in the library
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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