I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
