I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
