what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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