you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
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