I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
