I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
