so that wasnt chicken after all
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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