I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
