dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My hand turned me down
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
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I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
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At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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