I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
