it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I can't turn off my feet"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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