Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
