haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
