I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never drinking with the goths again.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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