my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
