i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just want to make out with him forever
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
