He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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