Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
