Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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