so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
