sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
