Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
