There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
