saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize