i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
3pm strippers are depressing
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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