She is in my trunk
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
