Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I smell like Dick and happiness
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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