Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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