Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
