my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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