i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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