I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
