I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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