dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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