i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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