so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
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I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
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You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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