I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
