no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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