Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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