Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Every concussion has its silver lining
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
