did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
