I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
