i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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