I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
