Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
