oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
then he tried to convert me to islam
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
