she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
