he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
