Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
