then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize