Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
