I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
