fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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