i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You pole danced in your parka.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
