11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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