dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
