just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
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The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
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not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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