Slut skills are useful in every country.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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