I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
