The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
