if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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