We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
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It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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