i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
