it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
