do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
