Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Someone signed my nipple.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
