3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Welp...herpes.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
